H - SAS in action?

Active ingredients:

Mineral Oil 14%
Petrolatum 71.9%
Phenylephrine HCL 0.25%
Shark Liver Oil 3.0%


Shark liver oil?? What witch brew have I come across?

But to be frank, I would sit on a Rambone if it made my ass feel better.

Ever since I was sick earlier this year, I have been having recurring episodes with Sad Ass Syndrome (SAS). I keep expecting for a chunk of my colon to drip out of me bumm, but it still hasn't happened.

So I don't know if I have hemorrhoids or not.

Do you think it would help if I stopped fisting myself?

Perhaps it's a pregnancy sympathy pain? You know, the butt-birth theory? The only thing that a man can compare with birth is shitting a 10 lbs. bowling ball.. I get 9 months of painful but manageable shits in place of one single "ring of fire" birthing?

Or perhaps I should pamper the be-hind? "Loofah my ass, please!"

It seems to me that SAS may be a blog-killing condition, especially when it's discussed. Whatever is wrong in my butt, please disregard everything that you've read. Skip ahead (when applicable), or read some archive posts. My ass doesn't care.

"Feed me, Seymore!" it screams.
"Hope you like Shark liver oil," says I.