Sweet nothings. And nothingness.

I was reading a post on D&BQ that made me consider my view of life.

Not re-evaluate, but again consider.

I was born Episcopelian, rasied Lutheran and married Catholic. And what did that magical concoction create? A dyed in the wool agnostic.

Sadly, most of my post-religious education has come from Herman Hesse. Magister Ludi, Siddartha, Steppenwolf... forget it, the littany of Hesse shaped my formative years. I say sadly because I have been exposed to so much since. I'm sorry Hesse, but you are not the "answer" - but you never pretended to be. And therein lies the magic.

70% of the classes that I took in college were humanities courses. And 50% of those were taught by one brilliant professor. I loved her from day one, and signed up for any class that she taught, just so that I could be there. If she had taught "proper application of plastic wrap to irregularly shaped bowls", I would have been in the front row.

I bring this up because as much as I loved her, as much as her classes taught, they were, ostensibly, secular. Well, as secular as Joseph Campbell, but I digress.

I also took a class from a total space-cadet on comparative religion. This guy prefaced his class by telling of the crazy kama-sutra position he'd tried, and in what circumstances. He would (does?) have an excellent blog, but lacked a bit on the critical-thinking aspect in his class.

Damn, but I ramble.

Very long story short, my life experience has led me to belive that there is something greater that I am. It might be whales, it might be mountains and it might be god. I don't know. But my research has led me to believe that it is a nameless thing. Worshipping, to me, seems futile, because it can not answer. At least not directly.

Anyone that tells you that they know anything, and particularly scripture, is trying to sell you something. Follow the money, people. Then sit in a field of green and contemplate.

I'm not anti-God people, I'm not. I just think that He is much bigger than you can put into your box. I also believe that He is more inclusive than you imagine. Than I can imagine.

I personally believe in an infinite, lumbring giant that takes millenia (in our reckoning) to pass a single thought. He is all, and we are mere zits, cells, etc. on His back. And I already lied - I think that his reckoning is not of his world. I believe that "he" does note exist, as such. We are all matter and energy, and when we die we will return to the "collective".

There is a collective, but it is impersonal and cold. It doesn't care for us because we are as insignificant as a thing can be. Yet we are its consciousness. We exist in this space-time simply to explore the idea of existence for this collective. There is nothing to "read" our lives, and nothing to "judge" our lives later. Only we who exist, currently, and so shortly, on this metaphysical plane.