LP gets lucky

A first for Lacivious Polyphony: we have managed to procure a guest speaker. And not just any old earthquake expert or 'hummer in the White House' pundit, but J. K. Rowling. The author is here to tell us a bit about "The Hydrophiliac Purple-one".

JKR "That's Half-Blood Prince."

KOM "Of course it its. You can understand my confusion. Please tell us, Mr. Rowling, where your name comes from?"

JKR "I'm a woman."

KOM "Of course, all people come from women! Extraordinary answer. Is it hot in here to you?"

JKR "No, I'm MS Rowling."

KOM "Good for you! Learn to cook and you might just be a missus some day."

JKR [staring]

KOM "Hot enough for you? Haha."

JKR [eyes narrow]

KOM "I understand that you write books!"

JKR "What, did the tape just start? Were you messing with me?"

KOM "Tape? Haha. I like your style. Now, my wife has read all of your books, but I'm afraid that I can't be bothered."

JKR "A Heathen says what?"

KOM "Wha- Nice Mizz Rowling. Almost got me! Can you please tell our readers, what's a dickfore?"

JKR "A dickfore?"

KOM "Hahahaha. Oh, priceless. You heard it here first, folks."

JKR "I really don't know where these questions are-"

KOM "Hey fat chick, you ticklish?"

JKR "What?"

KOM "You know, you Humpty-dance?"

JKR [standing] "I think this interview is over. Why would you ask something like that?"

KOM "Precious, sit down now. Don't be square! I'll be asking the questions."

JKR [staring, slowly sitting]

KOM "As I was saying, I never read any of the books, but I saw the first couple movies."

JKR "Thank you."

KOM "For what..."

JKR "-Your interest"
KOM [simultaneously] "...My boredom?"

JKR "What?"

KOM "Hahaha. Tell us about the new book."

JKR "Well, I don't want to give too much away-"

KOM "-No worries, it stays in Vegas, so to speak."

JKR "What?"

KOM "Nothing, please continue."

JKR "Well, Harry Potter finds himself in a-"

KOM "Harry who?"

JKR [suddenly leaves]

That went surprisingly well for our first celebrity interview. My sources tell me that Grisham can get violent, so we are trying to contact Jesus. Something about a Bib-el-eh. Whatever, we'll ask him if he agrees to come down. Good night.