100 things

Come, taste the vinegared wine that is KOM:

1. I have three cats.

2. I have one wife.

3. I have one son.

4. It would appear that I have a daughter on the way.

5. I taught myself BASIC.

6. Everything that I know about HTML (nothing), I taught myself.

7. My first computer was a TRS-80.

8. I love cheese.

9. Often my own farts make me want to gag.

10. Hotdogs make me lose control.

11. I play bass and guitar.

12. I taught a girlfriend how to play electric bass. She became the bass player for one of the most succesful, short-lived, local bands in the area.

13. I'm still a little bit bitter about this beacuse I'm a really good bass player. In fact, I came up with the bass lines for several of the band's most popular songs.

14. Green is my favorite color.

15. Blue was my favorite color while growing up.

16. I say "chupacabra" every cance I get.

17. My favorite card game is Hearts.

18. My favorite board game is Monopoly.

19. Except for chess.

20. I played football in highschool.

21. I played tennis in highschool.

22. I still run into my favorite highschool teacher, from time to time.

23. I learned German from my favorite teacher.

24. I went to Germany as an exchange student in 1992.

25. I went to Germany as a refugee in 1997.

26. I went back to Germany to escape from my ex-girlfriend.

27. It didn't help - but I thought it did. Same difference, I guess.

28. As a strange coincidence, I sought my ex-girlfriend out exactly one year, to the day, after she left me. When I approached her at her job, she turned ghost white. I was a completely different man, and she was a completely different woman.

29. The break-up with said girl nearly killed me.

30. I've never blogged about said girl, except in passing. Nearly 10 years later, the wounds are too fresh. One day, perhaps.

31. I don't like to talk on the telephone.

32. Although several jobs that I've held have chained me to the damn machine.

33. I abhor work above almost everything else.

34. Moving is the exception.

35. I wish that I could plow a field or wrestle a pig.

36. White collar work eats your soul.

37. Still, I hate my job.

38. I have many literary tastes, but I usually only read sci-fi written between the early 40's and the mid 60's.

39. But I just finished a recent book called Ilium. And I would recommend it.

40. I can count on one hand the women that I've loved.

41. But I can't count on the same hand the women that I've told that I've loved.

42. Yet, I don't like to think that I've lied.

43. I just never knew what love was. Until it was gone.

44. And so I've made peace with myself. If not with those other women.

45. But dare you judge me? With your unsuccessful relationships, as well?

46. Finally, I found the woman that I could be with.

47. I'd met my wife several times before we knew eachother.

48. The first time that I remember, my garage band and I were "hired" to play a birthday party that she had attended. As a clown.

49. The next time that I remember, it was a halloween party. I had come as as the Roto-rooter man (my sister had worked dispatch, and I had a generic blue shirt). She had come as the "world's best mom."

50. I came with a plunger in tow. When I saw her, several dozen "children" attached like so many monkeys to her outfit, I screamed "Abort! Abort!" and plunged her stomach.

51. It was many months later when I found out that she had recenty suffered a misscarriage.

52. Still ignorant of the terribly cruel truth, I saw her again at a Christmas party at the same location.

53. My friend threatened to kiss her.

54. I didn't really know that I was attracted to her until that moment.

55. We made love that same night.

56. Now we have too many "anniversaries". The first time we humped, our first date, the first time we said "love", when we got married... it's hard to keep track!

57. So I don't. But we got married September 28th. This I remember.

58. On our first date, we saw Ghost Busters, which was playing at the dollar theater. God, I love that movie.

59. I only know that fact because she told me.

60. My son was conceived shortly after we were married.

61. The Best Man and a Bride's Maid conceived the same night as our wedding.

62. Their son is a few months older than ours'.

63. I give to PBS.

64. To make them shut the fuck up, and continue to show the "Connections" show that I was watching.

65. One time, I sent an email to the wrong PBS station, extolling their programming. I didn't stop receiving requests for donations until I moved.

66. The SF Chron is a decent paper.

67. Their elite force of delivery helper monekys, however, are lacking.

68. I've been to Hawaii once. I forgot to put sunscreen on my feet during a catamaran trip.

69. I hate Hawaii.

70. I know that birds hate me. I know that they stalk me.

71. I hate birds.

72. I am circumcised.

73. I didn't have any say in this transaction.

74. My son is not. How the hell am I supposed to tell him how to clean his wee-wee?

75. I often stay up too late, doing things that I don't always remember.

76. I was born in this year.

77. Smoking is a habit as well as an obsession. I traded pot for nicotine. Who knows, next year I may be smoking rosemary.

78. I've smoked rosemary. I was really high, and we watched Nightmare On Elm Street. And smoked rosemary.

79. I try to hide my smoking from my son.

80. I found out when I was 13 that my own father smoked until I was 10.

81. He only smoked at work.

82. Despite his faults, my father is my hero.

83. My mother is slowly slipping into dementia. Perhaps Alzheimers. We don't know yet.

84. I've never discussed this with anyone besides my family.

85. I've inherited my ear from my mother. She is a professional musician. As was her father. I may go crazy before my time, but it will have been worth it to hear music.

86. My mother and I have relative pitch.

87. If you don't know the term, it means that we can extrapolate from any given tone. Perfect pitch implies that the listener can hear what a note should be, regardless of previous tones.

88. My interests ran in this vein until the age of 18. Since then my musical skills have atrophied. I can still play some guitar, much bass, but to what purpose?

89. I am naturally atracted to reheads. Experience has dulled the impulse. Considerably.

90. I love garlic, broccoli and spinach. In that order.

91. I'm the last to know about, or even celebrate, important family occasions. Yet family is the single most important thing in my life.

92. I think Jesus was a good guy.

93. But I don't believe that he was the son of God.

94. In fact, usually I am agnostic.

95. Unless I am sad or distraught.

96. I fully believe that things are much stranger than are "dreamt of in your philosophy."

97. I saw a black bear once. It was much smaller than my wife will tell you.

98. Chupacabra. And extra points to anyone who's read this far.

99. I am so excited that I will soon blog about my daughter(?). Regardless of the sex, I'm so happy (though wary) to do it all again!

100. Chupacabra.