Friday, December 30, 2005

Be careful what you wish for

The girl with the chips is gone.

She has been replaced by the woman with the fingernail clippers.

I submit that it is not fucking possible to clip your fingernails every day. They don't grow that fast! What could she possibly be doing?

I'm so afraid that I'm going to knock on her office, and catch her with a toe in her mouth, gnawing off a hard yellow nail.

She'll spit it out, and it will lodge in my sweatshirt. We will both stare at it for a very long, very uncomfortable time.

7 Comments:

At 12/30/2005 01:49:00 PM , Blogger Cowboy said...

Wow. You have all the luck.

Considering how annoying the people in your office are, I'd have to postulate that they're probably related to my wife's family somehow. Oh shit, did I just say that?

 
At 12/30/2005 08:22:00 PM , Blogger Elle Marie said...

I've seen feet that look like they've been chewed on, the toenails at any rate. Usually when you see toenails they're either cut nicely, too long, or dirty and gross - but it's the ones that are short n' raggedy with peeling cuticles that you have to look out for.

Do feet even have cuticles?

 
At 12/31/2005 07:18:00 AM , Blogger Passerby A said...

Happy New Year!

You could start making louder noises in your cube - like scrunching a bag of chips all day...

 
At 12/31/2005 09:36:00 AM , Blogger PSUMommy said...

Blech. That's just...blech.

Happy New Year, though!

 
At 12/31/2005 12:24:00 PM , Blogger Laura said...

Oh geez...that sucks. I'm soooo sorry.

 
At 12/31/2005 04:41:00 PM , Blogger Squishi said...

Get revenge and play country music every time you leave your cubicle - LOUDLY. I say "when you leave" cos I don't think anyone could stand to actually sit there and suffer through it, even for revenge purposes.

Nappy Poo Year!

(hint: in Australia 'Nappies' are Diapers)

 
At 1/02/2006 09:22:00 AM , Blogger Yawn said...

I recommend large doses of beans and garlic, cupping your hand around your bung, farting, and releasing it near her face. That'll teach her to cut her nails. If you cup your hand just right you can trap it in the palm of your hand and blow through the opening between your thumb and forefinger, like a blowgun. Using this technique can tactically place your flatulence in some hard-to-reach places.

 

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