Mostly out of my mind
While I'm still on the subject of revealing myself:
When I was younger I used to do a lot of acid. Well, a lot is relative. I had friends that went to school frying on more than I would take in a week. We used to mess with them, whisper things near their heads and tap their books when they were reading.
You know, some of the smartest people that I've ever known have tried acid. Some have never come back. I count myself blessed that I have not been... ah, permanently... ah... what were we talking about?
This is one of the few arifacts that I've saved from this time in my life. I believe that this was drawn the second time that I dropped.
The snake-guy hanging on the "I" is my internal monologue, and his name is Jamal.
I certainly don't think that I have any drawing talent, this much at least is clear. Man, I dropped with a friend of mine that can really draw, and I wept like a little baby when I saw his picture. I vividly remember his words when he saw my little pittance: "That's either the most profound thing that I've ever seen, or a child's drawing."
We had stayed up all night watching Nick at Night, Star Trek re-runs, and then, inevitably, Fantasia. My friend laughed and laughed, and told me about the red wasteland that he invisioned, full of skulls on spits. I broke a fig newton and we both laughed at the thunder and earthquake that it caused. I thought about bleeding my cat with a razor, to let the color out.
Then I held my head for 30 minutes, trying to stop smelling color and hearing bitter.
I wish that this were a warning story. I know a lot of people that should never have done it, and many more that couldn't have done it safely. Like eveything else in my past, I can't regret it, because here I am. But I still wonder if I would have been more... something if I hadn't.
It sounds cliched coming from a nearly 30-something, but don't do drugs. They seriously fuck with you in the end. I know that your 14 year-old ass can't see it now. I know. But trust me.
posted by KOM @ 12:52:00 AM
5 Comments
5 Comments:
I too have a few friends who never quite came back after acid trips. One in particular I found very depressing, as when he was still semi-alert, he literally had a hand in changing my life for the better.
Strangely, and I know this goes counter to everything sane and logical, I'd still like to try acid one day. Yes, really. I've never done anything more than smoke pot (though there was an attempt at mushrooms once, we apparently got snowed on the purchase and had some dried up salad variety shrooms) and I have to admit I find the drug somewhat appealing, even knowing what I know and being the responsible 30 year old I am. I never tried it because logic prevailed - I had a whole set of conditions that had to exist for me to do acid. A sober companion to keep me out of trouble, a safe familiar place, etc. This situation never arose. (And what does it tell you about my life that I never had a sober companion in a safe place? ;) )
And so, I find myself at 30 still wondering what it might be like. I doubt I'll ever find out either.
I'm not really playing along with your anti-drug message here am I?
One more thing I want to comment on - you briefly hit on one of my philosophies in life: regret is wasted thought. Everything we've done, whether stupid or brilliant, has contributed to who we are today. Don't regret the past, learn from it. There's no point in simmering over something you can't change.
Sorry... ugh. I write too much sometimes. Didn't mean to hijack your comments. But you know, the more you write, the more I'm sure that the moniker of KOM doesn't quite fit. I don't see anything mediocre here.
Thanks for sharing, KOM.
My only vice was smoking and I had to see a psychiatrist in order to quit... it was really really hard. Now I stay away from smokers so that I won't be tempted to start again. It's still hard work.
Thanks for linking me too...
Kom: Yeah, I've always been curious but I won't try it.
On one side, an ex-boyfriend of mine was a fan. He'd take it and go to dance performances and marvel at the colors and motions. He made it sound awesome.
But on the other hand, I had a friend that tried it and thought he had ghosts chasing him and rabid dogs in his dirty laundry. (weird)
I'm afraid I'd have an experience like my friend...or like kom considering bleeding his cat.
I asked if you wanted one, not that I had one for you. I guess I need to be more clear. I fixed your link. Again. How's that for a cookie?
Kaci - we are the lucky one's I guess. A lot of people are still out there chasing the moon.
Fruitfly - I know what you mean. I still want to do it again, but I won't. I agree with you, as long as you can take something from your experience and are reasonably happy with where you are, then it's wasteful to regret the past. And I'm blushing from the compliment. Thanks.
Diva - I am struggling with not smoking myself. I've relapsed recently, but still trying. There's a hypnotherapist that works in the same office building as I do. I wonder if she'd give me a rebate?
Venessa - Yep, scary stuff. Definately not for everyone, and the trouble is you might not know until it's too late if you should try it. If there's any hesitation then I'm happy to know that you won't do it.
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