Cryin' over spilt work

Notice: This post is work related, and will be very, very boring. Please check the archives for more "interesting" material. Check back later, and we'll be back to either the political or situational funny - too early to call.

Please, God, do not make me go back to work tomorrow.

The union audit barely over, and I get a call from our workers comp carrier that it's time for thier audit. All that they need are the payroll files.

Oh yeah, and separate, per worker, per job, breakdowns of payroll for 15 different jobs since mid-march 2004. I will be spending the next week and a half sorting through hard-copies of invoices, looking for job codes that are never provided, hoping to find some link in the thread. For 15 separate jobs.

Thank god, as Kaci has mentioned, I'm not human - I'm HAL 2005, dammit.

I may have mentioned that I do outside billing for a competitive company. We have a good relationship, and they throw us a lot of work, so my boss has decided that it would be best for me to do the competitor's AR as well. This is all and good, except when the sub-contracted companies call me and ask why they haven't been paid? Just yesterday, I received a manilla folder, stuffed to the max with overdue invoices from one of these sub-contracted jobs. I assume that I am supposed to compare these jobs to what has been billed, and let both of the interested parties know what has been billed, and what is in limbo?

Did I mention that the MFer that I bill for sends random batches of work orders, which are always out of order, and usually run at least 5 months out of date? And this same asshole tells his creditors to call me to investigate?

I told my boss that this will take me the better part of a week, if we're lucky. He doesn't give a shit. As long as I'm in the office, he's happy. Okay, boss. Guess I won't have time for payroll. No AP. Maybe the lights will get turned off? No AR? Our employees may be upset to not receive a paycheck. But fuck it, you're right. Better to worry about a competitor's billing issues.

Shit - I forgot. Union wage changes are due. Of course, these changes couldn't possibly coincide with actaul paroll dates. Let's make everything take effect on Wednesday! On two separate payroll changes! How am I supposed to reconcile a union payroll report with at least 3 separate changes in June? I'm thinking that I can fudge it, and be gone before the next audit. Holy fuck.

On top of everything, contract jobs change every day or so, and my boss doesn't bother to tell me until it has been billed. He is in the office for a total of 2 hours per week. Which is a blessing as much as it is a curse. But shit, man, tell me what's up!

In a nutshell, my job is like the scene in Brain Candy:

"You mean that thing you just mentioned, just now? Oh, we are right on top of that, Don."