A fair warning 2, KOM returns to Safeway.
"Hello, how can I help you please wait I'll be with you in a minute ok how can I help you?"
"I'd like turkey and muenster, no pickles."
"Anything else?"
"Everything but pickles, please."
"Okay, what kind of bread?"
"Sour roll."
"What kind of bread?"
"Sooooouer rooooollll."
"Ciabata?"
"Fine."
"What would you like on it?"
"Turkey and muenster, no pickles."
"We have yellow mustard or honey-mustard."
"Do you have a dijon?"
"We have honey mustard."
"What's that?" pointing to Grey Poupon.
"You want that?"
"Yes."
"Which side? Both sides?"
"One side would be fine, I don't care which."
"What?"
"Bottom."
"And what would you like on the sandwhich?"
"Turkey and muenster, no pickles."
"You said turkey?"
"Yes."
"I'm going to put it on the lettuce. You want lettuce?"
"That would be fine. Please."
"What else would you like?"
"Everything but pickles."
"Tomato?"
"Yes."
"Onions?"
"Yes."
"Would you like a cheese?"
"MUENSTER!"
"I don't know if we have...."
"It's right there." pointing to muenster.
"No, that's pepper jack."
"No, it may not be muenster, but is sure as hell not pepper jack."
"Let me ask someone. It's called mooncher?"
"Muenster."
"Mooshter?"
"Muenster."
"Monster?"
"Close enough."
{Time passes. New helper comes back with old helper to point out cheeses.}
New helper: "That's the muenster," (holding same cheese I had pointed out), "this is the pepper jack. And here's the provolone. And this is the horse-radish cheeda-"
"Hold it, her head's going to explode."
Old helper: "Oh, that's muenster? You want muenster?"
Blink. Blink.
"Ok. And pickles?"
posted by KOM @ 11:20:00 AM
10 Comments
10 Comments:
I always stuns me that so many people don't know aht "everything but pickles" means.
I think during Subways training seminars the put in some weird subliminal "Your mind will go blank when you hear PICKLE" thing.
Like a hypnosis "When I ring this bell you will cluck like a chicken" thing.
You should go in next time wearing a sign around your neck that says you are deaf and mute, and write down what you want. Or better yet, bring flash cards.
This is a painful post to slog through, KOM. An even more painful experience to live through. But I tell you something, my Mexican wife can't get enough of Brie and Muenster quesadillas. I hate that shit! (But I like the cheeses.)
LOL! I'm so sorry you had to go through this.
Next time, go to Subway. ;)
The deadness of the brain knows no boundary. Reminds me when I went to a Lebanese restaurant and my wife and I got pretty much nothing of what we ordered. We asked for half portions of everything and even (by experience) asked the waiter, who had ADHD, to repeat the order. He still got it wrong. It would have helped if he ACTUALLY looked at us in the eye (which I mentioned when he disputed the bill) rather than looking around as if he had a coke habit or was a target for a mob hit. We thought it was just him. However, we've come to realize that it is the norm in the place. Maybe it's the humus. Still, we continue to go - cheap and fantastic. Healthy. You just have to put up with the inept behavior. They are so disorganized it's hilarious.
Kaci - The minimum wage worker is still alive. I have nothing more to say.
J - Pavlov's pickle syndrome. I know it well. Too well.
R - If I believed that these people could read, I would.
Yawn - Sorry, as always, to inconvenience you. But the idea of a brie quesedilla scares the shit out of me.
Reese - Oh, how I wish Subway were better. I have many, many stories that put this one to shame. Subway really is to sandwhiches what Taco Bell is to anything Mexican.
Commentator - I like hummus a lot. Never occured to me that it was affecting my mind. Damn. Just when I clean up I learn that "healthy" food is just as bad as acid. What's a guy to do?
Brie quesadillas scare the piss out of me too. Muenster quesadillas taste somewhere in the neighborhood of "wet dog" or "moldy sock" and are a horrible food to eat when under the influence of ANY mind-altering substance. Especially Mexican cough syrup.
But my wife's tastes are fucked up. To her the concept of "cheese" revolves around a corn tortilla smothered in tomatillo salsa. For me it's something you put on a hamburger. Turn her loose in one of these high-end grocery stores and she gets a little too creative with our money and starts buying weird shit that doesn't belong anywhere near a corn tortilla nor a serrano. Then she creates these abominations and expects me to eat them!
Subway sucks, go to Quiznos. i worked at a Quiznos for three years and WE arent pains in the butt. and for a bonus-> we do know how to read flash cards :)
Another example of how the world is populated with complete absolute idiots. I would have given up because I just don't have the patience to deal with stupidity.
Sounds like a conversation I have with the guy making my sandwich, but mine's no TOMATOES. Every time, he asks, "lettuce and tomatoes?" and I say, "no tomatoes" and he puts them on and I have to say, "no tomatoes" again, a mere 5 seconds later. Not sure what the problem is.
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