Fasting on Mount Terrible Two

Mr. Man and I had a strong disagreement tonight.

We are trying to teach Little Guy about manners, and he is usually quite receptive. "Please," we say, and he repeats "peez!" But this evening, shortly after he came home, he wanted a refill of his milk. First Mommy asked him if he could please take the cup over to daddy (I was in the kitchen, near the refridgerator). Little man had a meltdown and disappeared behind the couch. I finally grabbed the cup and filled it with milk. I said "Say please," and he responded "No, no."

I emptied and refilled the dishwasher, all the time offering him his coveted milk if only he would say "please." "No, no." was the invariable reply, if he would even grace me with a response.

"Come, now, little guy, just say "please", and I'll get your milk."

"No, no."

In a flash, it occurred to me that I was Satan tempting Jesus on the mountain. "Hungry? Just say the word and make the stones into milk."

"No, no."

"Well, if you're hungry, throw yourself up into your high chair so that I can feed you."

"No, no."

"Okay, tell you what. All the milk of the Kingdoms of the world, I will give you if you will just say 'please'"

"No, no, no!"

So I put the milk back into the fridge, and Little Man was disconsolate.

Upon further reflection, I've read a couple of things into this exchange. First, I think that I get the idea of "God the Father". It's one thing to read as a son, quite another to read as a dad. I know that he isn't going to starve to death if I refuse the milk. And I would never hold something that he really needs, even out of spite.

But, and God Himself has asked me to relay this message, stop asking The I Am for a bicycle, or a red wagon, or a Barbie, or to catch the winning touchdown. He will provide what you need, not what you want.

He also asked me to tell you that you may, in fact, catch the winning touchdown. This was not by His hand, so he would prefer it if you didn't give him credit. He has imbued you with certain gifts, and he expects you to utilize these gifts. Enjoy and have fun. But remember to give Him praise for all things, not just the minor victories.

Did you remember to praise Him when your last dental checkup showed no new cavities? Did you praise Him when your soufle didn't fall? Did you praise Him when your Blogger post published correctly, and was not lost to the Ether? Yeah, again, minor victories. You've got some work to do.

I prefer to pray once per day, usually when I'm falling asleep. I ask, "Lord, please do not let anything bad happen to my family. If it must, please give me the strength to exact horrific pain upon anyone involved in my misery. Then let me kill myself. Please bless my parents, my kitties, and my household."

I'm not kidding.

Second, it seems to me that Satan is playing the stereotypical parental role. And that is a little disturbing.

He seems to say "Look, you know how to do it, just do it!" I say this nearly every day to Little Man. I am not your servant, figure it out!

We wish to provide our offspring with the best tools that we can provide. Listen to me, listen to us, we know best.

Parents, oh parents, We are Legion.

Jesus seems as petulant as a 2 year-old. Breaking the Sabbath, beating the money exchangers, hanging out with the prostitutes and tax collectors. We wouldn't wish this upon our enemy's kids!

Faith in Jesus is like faith in a 2 year-old. It's difficult, it shows little return, and it causes many headaches. But if you can stick it out, ostensibly, the reward is as great, or better, than watching your own Little Man become a Big Man. Or, that's what I've been told.

You see, I'm still agnostic.