Musings on the Matrix

I just finished watching the 3rd installment of the Matrix.

My initial assessment: I don't get it.

Now, I understand the basics, at least enough to follow the movie. But if this series allows itself to be thought of as a modern-day Myth... I just wonder what Joseph Campbell would say?

First, why do the most capable "programs" seem to want peace? It has been suggested to me that these are the programs more able to mimic humanity. I guess that the idea is humanity = empathy, and they do not wish to see our race destroyed. Hmm. Guess the computers are a bit more forgiving than we.

Second, if Keanu is our savior, why is he unable to leave the train station? Actually, this was my favorite part of the movie. I kept imagining heavy beads of sweat pool at his brow as he tries to figure out the situation. The moviegoer can smell the kerosene burning.

Third, how are they able to save Keanu from the train station? If the train-master is God, at least in this purgatory, he could have stopped them. I thought of the Atari 2600 Pitfall! where you run too far underground and end up at the same place. Notice that the Frenchman never makes another appearance.

Why is the machine God willing to trade peace for eliminating Agent Smith? If I were a machine, I would have allowed the "savior" to defeat the threat, then rescind my promise and continue to destroy humanity. It's only logical. That is, I bet there aren't too many "Three's company" misunderstandings in the robot world.

Fourth, what thread am I following with Neo being blinded? Am I thinking Rutger Hauer as the Blind samurai, or Oedipus?

I understand that the movie preaches free will over determinism, or even calvanism. Even at the expense of the calvanists among them. I would argue that this is the main issue. The world is dictated not by divine will, or even cause and effect. What's left.. chaos theory? Somehow those damn dinosaurs are gunna breed. Somehow the unlikely paring of a distraught savior and an all-powerful machine is going to end in momentary bliss.

And what about the human batteries that are still atrophying away in pods? Did Smith overtake them all? If so, did they all die when he was "deleted"? If not, does peace include taking back the human survivors?

God dammit! This was Helm's Deep meets Crouching Tiger meets Star Wars meets Spinoza. I ask you, what the hell was I supposed to take away from this?

I'm off to read Finnegan's Wake. I'm sure it will make more sense.

Gay Marriage

Back to the politcal, I'm afriad.

This rambling was precipitated by two sources: my old friend Jessica, who sent a chain-mail missive, and the recent post by I'm Patrick!!.

Let me preface by saying that I am for equal rights, equal penalties, etc., for homosexual union.

That being said, and though I consider myself socially liberal, I'm not sure what I think about "gay" marriage.

My conundrum is more symantic than social: A bachelor, for example, is a priori an unwed male.

I've never come across a dictionary that states that Marriage is the union between man and man. In fact, the dictionary that I just pulled (Webster's Ninth Collegiate Dictionary) stated, as section 'c': "The institution by whereby men and women are joined in a special kind of social and legal dependence for the purpose of founding and maintaining a family."

Do some homosexual couples adopt? Yes. Do many heterosexual couples not pro-create? That also is correct.

But, as any dictionay will state, marriage is, a priori, the union between a man and a woman.

So where does that leave us (me)?

It would be absurd, in current PC speak, to argue that marriage is for procreation alone. Marriage, after all, is to be a covenant between two joined persons. Many would argue, "if they love eachother, let them marry!". And who am I to stand betwixt?

But.

And the final "but" is all that I have to say about this. I can not make up my mind, never could. To me, this topic is like abortion. Rather, I can see why some people are offended, but I can not quite disagree with the liberal left. I am personally in favor of civil unions that extend all of the federal, state, local, etc., benefits to the couple. But I am unable to agree that "marriage", as such, needs to be extended.

On the other hand, I am firmly against any federal mandate to change the constitution to limit the possibilities of the homosexual marriage.

Does it seem that I am confused... perhaps better stated homo-agnostic? You bet your ass I am.

I can't wait until this is a non-issue, however it becomes.

Posty, posty POSTS

A little off subject (whatever subject that was..)

I recently got "Posts" on my blogger dashboard. That is, I recently was able to post the "title" of my blog, instead of just highlighting the first few words in green. It makes for much neater "archive" type posts, but why wasn't I able to do this before?

My current theory is that it's like a video game, in that you have to pass X travails before you are rewarded with a new upgrade.

I wonder what will be next. Perhaps after 50 posts I will be able to upgrade my hit points?

Actually, that reminds me. Why has Blogger not been able to keep track of posts, replies, etc., for 4 months? There was a bulletin last November (as far as I can tell) that they would need to shut down the tracking for a limited time. While I've only been posting since January '05 (and barely, at that), isn't it time to reslove this issue?

A few thoughts on Germany

Let me be honest.

I am just fucking around until I find what I would like to say, what I would like to post, and how I would like to present myself in these pages. It's not that I lack the muse, but I lack the guidelines to help me be more productive.

So, that being said, let me tell you how I have been inches away from deleting the "germany posts" from this blog. These were snapshot pictures of my experiences in Germany. They must make for terribly dry reading. It was great to read the old spiral-bound notebook and type it here; that is, it was great for me to re-live experiences that you can only be partly privy to. These journal entries were made when I was nearly 10 years younger, and a world apart from myself. I assure you that I was not as stupid as they make me out to be, but I was writing for me. At no time did I believe that 10 years hence would these thoughts be available on the internet. How could I? It barely existed back then.

So, how did it go?

Jenna and I are still good friends. I think. She was able to fly out from Boston to attend my wedding. Very little has been heard from her since.

Aaron is going to school in Washington. He had his moments, but turned his life around. I hate to sound like an ass, but I am so proud of him. 12 steps and 1 girlfriend later, and he seems to be doing very well indeed.

What about me? Well, since you asked, and as this is my favotite subject, I will respond.

I ingratiated myself on my best friend, who happened to live with some guy named Kevin. I was able to sleep on the couch for $150/month. Mind you, that litterally meant sleeping on the couch, and paying rent (such as it was) for a "buck fifty" per month.

I became a big fan of N64's Golden Eye. Tabulating headshots was a good way to distance myself from the absolute poverty. My other preference was to stay out all night at the local bar, the Lamp Lighter, so that I could avoid Kevin.

I say that I hate Kevin, but I forget exactly why. Maybe it was because he used our rent money to pay his car loan. Perhaps it was because he let all of our utilities run out, so that we had to fill the toilet tank with river water to flush. Maybe it was because he sat bare-chested in his room playing video games while we fielded calls from all of the collection agencies that would like to speak to Kevin. Or maybe it was because he was an ass. Whatever.

As soon as we were able, George and I moved out. But not until seven months - SEVEN MONTHS - of this same shit continued.

Due to our other roommate's valid, but exterior complaints, that lasted only about a year. I was "forced" to move into my girlfriends flat.

Then we got married (despite her Mother's very public offering about "The cow", and "who would want to buy it when...")

Fast forward years. I would not be here now if it weren't for Germany. And I am so glad that I am here.

So I have thought many times about removing the Germany posts. But, while you may not get it, they point to where I am now.

And, as it stands, I wouldn't change the past if you paid me. Except living with Kevin.

One final Schiavo post

I ran across this blog today. Man alive. This is the kind of secondary fallout that you don't realize is happening. Somewhere out there, a guy whose name happens to be Scott Peterson is wiping his brow.

Far too Politicol, some of these posts become have.

So I would like to list a couple of oddities & blogs that I've noticed.

First, hats off to the people over at Angry Baboon for this blog's first link-in. Please pay a visit to paul.

Second, a blog that I have been following. This guy is a laugh riot, and I strongly recommend visiting his corner of reality: The jerk of all trades.

Third, I don't live in Amsish country, so maybe the point is lost on me. Otherwise, please see this. I found it ironic, and was laughing in my sleep.

Finally, I can't tell if this is for creative writing, creative recovery, creative creation or what... but I can't keep my eyes off these posts.

People Pie

I was reading the most recent Time magazine's reader response section, when one letter in particular caught my eye. Paraphrasing, the letter stated that the author was a pro-life christian, but realized that contraception would be prefferable to abortion. She was willing to take a step toward the middle in order to support her core beliefs.

Normally I would have found this encouraging, but my mind took off on a tangent:

Let's agree that a cake is made of wet and dry ingredients. Milk and egg & flour and sugar. When these ingredients are combined, is the result a cake? No - we need to bake the ingredients. If you wait just a few minutes and pull the mixture out of the oven, is the result a cake? Hardly.

I think the obviuos analogy here is that it is difficult to say exactly when a human becomes viable. At what point do potential and viable meet? Pro-lifers would state that a cake is done as soon as the ingredients are mixed. Pro-choicers might state that as soon as the knife comes out clean the cake is ready. They might also be willing to concede that a cake with only 15 minutes to go should be allowed to become a cake.

What got me thinking is that the reader's letter stated that she could support contraception to avoid abortion. If we look at this backwards, in a pro-life way, what do we see? A cake is a cake the instant that all the ingredients are mixed. But why stop there? Potential is achieved far before this. When flour and sugar are combined, we have half a cake already. This is a potential cake. Of course, it is also a potential cookie, eclair, pie, etc. To allow this potential to be wasted (contraception), is to forever negate the possible cake. Or to take a further step back, what are the implications of impeding kinetic human procreation in any way? Aren't state-sponsered executions, chemical castration or even sending men to war, in a sense, contraception? And isn't that, basically, abortion?

I'm just floating ideas. It seems to me that the cake analogy is too obvious, so it must have been used to better effect by someone much more gifted than I. Understand that I am not pro-abortion, but I'm also not pro-choice. In this post I've been playing Devil's advocate, but I'm willing to hear both sides on this issue. I just wanted to pass on what had occured between a few synapses while reading a Time magazine.

UPDATE - I just had to check for any similar references. While I haven't had time to read the posts, this page lists my initial supposition almost word for word.

Religion

"This is a complex case with serious issues," Bush said. "But in extraordinary circumstances like this, it is wise to always err on the side of life."

And not a sign of irony on his face.

I promised myself that I would not post anything further about the Schiavo case, but in lieu of the above quoted hypocricy, I felt the need to post some encouraging news. According to an ABC poll, 63% of Americans support the removal of the feeding tube. More tellingly, 70% of Americans are against federal intervention.

New to the blogosphere

Still, there are things that drive me crazy about other people's sites.

First: Don't hijack my cursor. Your crosshair or kitty is cute -- use it yourself.

Second: Don't fade-in and -out of your page. Takes too long. Won't even look at your blog.

Third: I could play with Java and HTML as well. I don't need to see your poems coming together from both sides of the screen and then playing "greensleeves". In fact, don't play music at all.

Fourth: For god's sake, if you're 14, keep your thoughts on a piece of paper, or on a Word document on your desktop. I know that you'll never love again because the guy who felt you up took your best friend to the movies, but one day you'll look back (as I have) and say "God damn I'm glad that was not posted on the internet!"

Fifth: How have advertisements for everything taken up 1/2 of the legitimate blog space, at least on blogspot. Shouldn't there be some law against this? Screw tuna, I boycott anything that advertises on a "blog".

Sixth: That being said, click my Google ads. It gives you happy!

Seventh: Screw it. We're all having fun, right?

Boondocks

I received "A Right to be Hostile" for Christmas last year. I'd read this comic in the SF Chron when I was living in Napa... I'm afraid that this type of comic could never had made it to the local Napa paper.

I finally finished it, and the collection is absolutely genius. As I have before stated, I am a willfully ignorant American. I like to think that you like me, I like you, and everything should be ok. This isn't really the case, I guess, and the Boondocks explains why (inasmuch as it sets out to explain why).

While being slightly heavy-handed at times, the humor always takes the edge off the issue. Not that it dulls the blade, so to speak, but perhaps precisely lands the blow.

Schiavo

On the way to work this morning, my radio informed me that several conservative senators, including DeLay, were trying to subpoena Terri in order to circumvent the ruling that would allow the feeding tube to be removed today.

While this is, for the time being a moot point, it caused me great distress. To think that lawmakers would actually summon a living corpse to be questioned is macabre at best, probably evil. I've heard that this would just be a delaying tactic so that Terri would not be "allowed" to die in the interim. Why are these conservatives working so hard to make this final act more difficult for everyone (supporters and opponents alike) than it needs to be?

Ostensibly the senators and their supporters are arguing for the right to life. Not to be confused with the slogan for anti-abortion activists, but as in "Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness". But where are these senators when men are being not passively let to die, but executed as a state decree? What about the right to life of the 1500+ American soldiers killed in Iraq alone?

Despite my disgust with many of the policies of the right-wing, I can see that the above arguments make nice counter-strike statements, but are not strictly analogous to the issue at hand. One could convincingly argue that someone sentenced to die gave up his right to life when the crime was committed. One can also argue that the military, as it stands, is volunteer. Supposedly, these 18-year old kids know what they are getting into.

"Ostensibly" I said about the senators because there is very little doubt in my mind this is merely political posturing to hold the attention of the moral vote. Remember, these are the same politicians that make exceptions in their own cases when they see fit, but expect the rest of America to abide by their rules in all other cases. This is what makes the subpoena so grotesque. Not one of these senators truly care about her life, not one will shed a single tear when she dies (whether of old age or the feeding tube being removed). The hypocrisy is palpable and makes me shake with anger and nausea.

One caller on a local talk-radio show that I listened to this morning suggested that it would be a good thing for Terri to actually be called to "testify" before the senate. My initial reaction was, and still is, utter disgust, but as he stated his point, it almost made sense. He reasoned that only by the spectacle of this poor women being wheeled, for all intents lifeless, to the senate floor would the outrageousness of the subpoena be truly exposed. As a tactic I would agree. But as a feeling human being, this is just too much. We can not allow this woman to become the unwitting poster-person for either side of the debate.

We need to remember that this is one woman, and one family. We callously ignore the millions of people who die each day for lack of simple vaccinations, for lack of water, for lack of food. We complain about the cost of fuel while we could make such a huge difference by giving just the slightest bit more out of our pockets. I don't mean to preach here. I am as short-sighted and willfully ignorant as the rest of you. My point is that it is insane that the government is getting involved in the life of this one person, while so much suffering is being ignored. Can you imagine what could be accomplished if the combined efforts of the Schiavo-life brigade dedicated 1/10 of their inertia into a more meaningful purpose?

Do I feel for the parents? Of course I do. Having become a father relatively recently, I find the possibility of outliving my child unthinkable. But let's be honest. Terri Shiavo is dead, in all the ways that matter. Just a generation or two ago and she would not have "lived" this long. Her parents wish very strongly to keep her alive. While sad, this is not to be unexpected. The strongest right-to-die proponent would find it difficult to give up a loved one in a similar situation.

Do I acknowledge the civilian supporters of Terri's right to life? Of course I do. They have taken up a flag against the evils of secularism, liberalism and modernity. I'm just not sure that their knee-jerk reaction is carefully considered. Of course, perhaps I should remove the log from my own eye before I comment on the speck in the eye of these people. I honestly believe that they honestly believe that they are right. I just don't agree.

Many people have asked "Why doesn't the husband simply let the parents take care of Terri?". On the surface this seems like a reasonable request. He has a new life. But what they are not seeing is that they have answered their own question. To put it another way, why would a man continue this legal fight for years and years instead of taking the easy way out? The only reason that I can think of is that he still loves her. This is a love that many of us may never experience. He is willing to fight because he knows what she wanted when she was still alive - to die peacefully and with a modicum of dignity. How else to explain the tears he must have shed, the money he must have spent and the hatred he must have endured in order to end her life?

This is a tragedy, but not for America. This is a tragedy for a family in America. I think that we should let them continue to fight, or make peace, or hate. Just let them do it alone.

News and politics

There and back again.

It's a miracle!

Lazarus has returned to us, seemingly no worse for the wear. Stanzi is home.

I was watching the commentary track on Amadeus when I heard a persistent meow at the door. I thought that it must be Rocky, who I had let out several hours before. But it was Stanzi, my favorite cat!

Somewhere in our backyard is the remains of a very, very similar looking cat. My wife and I had spoken a couple of times about the possibility that we had recovered the wrong cat, but I was unable to believe it - I needed closure, and since it had been over a week since I'd seen Stanzi (who was on her own for the first time, after finally getting her "outside" shots), I believed too strongly that the remains that we recovered on that terrible, windy afternoon were hers.

I was unable to shed a single tear, from the time that we thought we found her body, until the time that she came home.

I lifted her up (much against her will, as usual), and despite her growling and flaying brought her to where my wife was sleeping in our room. I was just able to toss the cat onto our bed and let my wife know that Stanzi was finally back, before I started to weep uncontrolably. The guilt and stress that I'd been carrying was suddenly lifted, and I was unable to cope with the emotion.

Welcome back, Stanzi. I know I must lose you again someday, but today is a good day. A very good day.

We love you.

life

Goodnight.

Buried my favorite cat tonight. Hit by a car.

We loved you.

Spoke to an old friend via Email.

Spoke to another old friend on the phone.

Opened the door and waved goodnight to my wife. I'm not sure that she was awake, but I waived anyway, just to be sure.